Thursday, March 10, 2011

Life as a Test


Life is a test, and yes, that is cliche, but it is true. If you don't practice and prepare and study for a course in school, you will not learn and more than likely, fail the exam. Life is the same way, in essence. Being the bigger person is a work in progress. It is not something that comes over night and it is not something that will be finite. I am a work in progress. The difference is that I am now aware of my actions and thoughts and attitudes. I control my reactions, or at least, I have the opportunity for control. In the end I have the knowledge that, while being the bigger person now may be a struggle and seem to be a slap in the face, it in fact, is not. I will benefit in the long run. The hard work will pay off and I will be a happier person for it. That doesn't mean I am going to allow people to walk all over me, but I am not going to let it dictate my life, either.

I may be a little naive in saying this, but I believe that those who are the people creating drama, hurting others, being selfish, and not caring to be the bigger person are going to be miserable underneath it all and lead less than happy lives. I'm not always happy, by any means, but my spirits are lighter as I practice being a better person, as I practice letting go of the trifles in life. This has been an eye opening of sorts for me because I have a very large temper and I am oftentimes impatient. It's a hefty task I've set out on, but I am already reaping the benefits.

The other day I was greatly upset by something small. It was trivial but it still hurt, nonetheless. I am still struggling with it and I am trying so hard to bite my tongue and channel my frustrations in a positive manner rather than confront this person on such a trivial matter. To me, it is not worth hurting another and I know it would, given the demeanor of this other person and given previous situations where I thought honesty to be the best policy. It still is, don't get me wrong, but there are times when you have to know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em. This time, I'm folding 'em, but I'm taking with me the knowledge that I am growing as a person and that I am a work in progress. There is an underlying reason why this person's actions, or lack thereof, hurt me so deeply. That requires internal investigation and it is something I am working on.



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